Stumble and fall, yes and then…


Many months I have been on a path that has let me go on and on. Just as aimlessly as this train of thought is, my days were just as normal, regular, weird but going on. I never waited to see if I reached my destination, or if at all I was at the designated place I was meant to be. I am standing in a place which I am not sure if many have visited or just passed by, but, I am there right now thinking, should I move on or just stay in the moment.

How many times have we come across the saying ‘be in the moment’!  Is that even really true? Could you just stay in it without any extra baggage at all. Have we really surpassed our inner and forever know it all being? I am a very complicated person, or, so my loved ones think. How complicated can I be? I am looking very hard in all directions to see if I really do confuse or confound everyone I am around it. Nah… not really, I am just plain old, funny or aggravating me. A bit of temper, a dash of laughter and a whole lot of trust. That’s all I am, maybe a bit of irritating arrogance of wanting to be there for everyone. Yes, what a load of… whatever.

I remember bits and pieces of my past self, the younger cockier and self assured self. I have, as many of you, faced a huge amount of restrictions and obstacles, I tripped, I fell, I got up and fell again. Time and time again. As we evolved, we learnt that fittest do survive or they do perish, eventually. No body bothered to say what happens to the ones that are there in between the lengthy time they take to perish, not a one. Not our parents, our teachers or our peers. Yes, they do mention in one word though, No!

No, what? No, they don’t know, No, they don’t want us to be the ones going through a pain they went through, or No, they said it to end the topic. No what…?

Life is funny in that way, it doesn’t come with a how to book, but we do what others tell us to. We are very adaptable in that way to follow the same things if we like them or do as we please because we don’t! Funny us humans. I am in the same wagon as the many scores around us are in, same thing over and over again. Today is a good day, so, let me start the day by being all this perky, optimistic person and get on with things and the days I don’t feel like it or have a clue, still run around as if I am all that and more. What is happening here?

Yes, I have tripped, I said it. Now what… Should I seek help to correct my constant tripping and move on. Okay, let me do that but before I head there, what do I do now. I am really not sure if I want to seek help just yet, I want to wait and see if things will pan out or ease out by themselves before I let the force to change this thinking.

I am not saying I don’t need help either, but, to ask for that particular assistance I haven’t yet found the need to even look up and see if anyone around me is trying or looking at me – to help me wherever I am ‘in’ now. You see, they can’t tell where I am right now, I have not shown any indication that I am down, I mean, that I have tripped at all, yet again. The moment is just like the numerous ones before, the falls and the dusting off and moving on kind of occasion, just like before. But, just that this particular time, it looks like I am taking a while… either to get up or lie still or lay low, I haven’t a clue yet.

I might get up real quick or… we will just wait and see.


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